[ does he? no, because so many of the memories linger in his mind even now. hearing the screams of the people he knows here as he cuts them apart, feeling their blood sear his skin. being blindsided with the knowledge he'd been a terrible awful person with no regard to the sanctity of human life.
his hand on soo-won's shoulder (or whatever part of him he's holding onto idk) tightens. ]
[ . . . okay well. since he's still helping hak around, he can't really give him any consoling touches. he's probably not even sure he's meant to but. he will at least briefly rest his head against hak's in a little clonk ]
... then it's not.
[ as simple as that ]
We can still talk about if you wish to, so you don't need to carry it by yourself... [ this is so hypocritical coming from soo-won but whatever ] But none of it has to be true.
[ feels depressed over soo-won again at midnight sunday
hak is always feeling some kind of way about soo-won and right now is no exception, though at least it isn't for the usual reasons. but he isn't delirious and half-dead anymore, which means he has better control over all the crazy thoughts in his head. damn i should have kept our other thread going longer, goes back in time. ]
Do you think that's what happens when we die? [ just changes the subject. ] We get reborn into a new life?
and you know what? despite everything, despite the fact that he is so close to the end, he's found... he hasn't really thought about it ]
... I don't know. I'm not sure.
Would you want that?
[ soo-won isn't sure he would. on his best days, it sounds appealing. a get to chance to love the world all over again. on his worst, it sounds... exhausting. to do all this again. ]
but hak's answer doesn't take as long. maybe because it's been something he's been thinking about ever since he woke up with a second set of memories. ]
Only if I didn't have to remember my previous life.
[ lives? whatever. that was such a pain, having to reconcile two sets of memories and stop one from bleeding into the other. even so...
.... ]
You were in the other one though. The princess too.
[ . . . hm. he supposes that's fair. a clean slate and everything. they probably made it into the manor rooms by now, and soo-won brings hak to wherever hak's been staying. what even is their rooming arrangement. are they not staying together. where did they set up gulfan.
at the mention of another him though, he frowns. ]
[ dice maiden said they weren't roommates, puts this into writing. copies from dms: they can have one of those rooms that just had an adjoining door.... opens it at random to bother the other person before you remember your relationship is fraught
[ it needs to be an adjoining room so that soo-won can put gulfan by his window but gulfan can still visit hak... this is so important. thinks about how gulfan was in hak's box but they've probably defaulted to soo-won taking care of him again. ]
These journeys appear to show you some of the worst possible outcomes.
[ and soo-won already created one of those living hells for hak in reality? ]
And I think I know better than anyone else what I'm capable of.
[ even if he would never actively choose to harm hak in particular ]
anyway that's kind of a weird answer? which should probably be a clue that something is wrong but also he did just have to deal with a whole second life like four hours ago. he doesn't have enough brain cells left for this so he just scoffs instead. ]
You were the good guy. [ maybe. probably. ] Do you remember what happened in Awa?
[ what else could it be but the fujo spread.... hak really is so obedient right now and it's throwing soo-won off—but he'll nonetheless carefully undo the clasps of the armor. it's rare that he's on this end of things, but anything to help hak feel less heavy and waterlogged
though... the confession is surprising. ]
... you'd never.
[ just to make that explicitly clear. absolutely impossible. soo-won believes in hak just as much. ]
[ he says it half-heartedly, like he doesn't really believe it himself, but it's hard to completely shake off the bad thoughts when so much of everything else had mirrored what he'd known in reality. if things had been wildly different, if he'd been picked up by someone else as a kid, treated with less love and care....could he have done that? ]
"Could" doesn't mean the same thing as "would". There are a lot of things that people could be driven to do if circumstances were different, and there is a grand discussion on nature versus nurture on how a person grows over time.
[ once the armor is off, he'll just do a check over all of hak's injuries. he had too many. ]
But you, Hak, as you are... would never. Another version of you might have been astray... but that's not also to say that if you didn't meet the right person or get the right opportunity, you wouldn't change your mind and return to saving people as you always do.
[ all his beautiful wounds....all three (3)!! fuckin' stab wounds in his chest. can he make it four by the time he leaves purgatory, stay tuned. ]
You always did believe in me the most. [ it was a little scary sometimes, though mostly just inspiring. ] If it weren't for you, I would've been closer to that person I was back there.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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They're all there. [ wait a minute. he remembers something. makes a face. ] Wish I could forget one of them though.
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Which one...?
[ he likes all the dragons, hilariously ]
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[ that stupid SLUT. (and yet he still misses him.....) ]
....He was there where I was. Or some version of him was.
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... I like Jae-ha. He's quite mature and resourceful.
[ thinks about how soo-won put jae-ha in charge of the expedition to the province ]
So I imagine... if it's anything like what I've heard these places could be... he'd be difficult as an opponent or a fallen ally.
[ lets hak decide how much he wants to say on it ]
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He's the one who almost broke my leg. [ a little exasperated, a little fond, though both vanish almost immediately. ] Not that it mattered in the end.
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... what ended up happening?
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They made us play a game of chess. The pieces were people were knew. He was one of them.
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... I see. I'm sorry.
[ since he can imagine rather easily that jae-ha probably didn't make it, based on that silence. ]
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It wasn't real. [ even if it felt painfully real. ] And when we get out of here and I see him again, I'll kick his ass for making me go through that.
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but soo-won frowns... ]
... right. Perhaps he might enjoy it.
[ on account of. you know. ]
... do you feel that certainly? That it wasn't real?
[ considering that this is what soo-won talked to yosuke about after he got back ]
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his hand on soo-won's shoulder (or whatever part of him he's holding onto idk) tightens. ]
I don't want them to be real.
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... then it's not.
[ as simple as that ]
We can still talk about if you wish to, so you don't need to carry it by yourself... [ this is so hypocritical coming from soo-won but whatever ] But none of it has to be true.
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hak is always feeling some kind of way about soo-won and right now is no exception, though at least it isn't for the usual reasons. but he isn't delirious and half-dead anymore, which means he has better control over all the crazy thoughts in his head. damn i should have kept our other thread going longer, goes back in time. ]
Do you think that's what happens when we die? [ just changes the subject. ] We get reborn into a new life?
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and you know what? despite everything, despite the fact that he is so close to the end, he's found... he hasn't really thought about it ]
... I don't know. I'm not sure.
Would you want that?
[ soo-won isn't sure he would. on his best days, it sounds appealing. a get to chance to love the world all over again. on his worst, it sounds... exhausting. to do all this again. ]
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but hak's answer doesn't take as long. maybe because it's been something he's been thinking about ever since he woke up with a second set of memories. ]
Only if I didn't have to remember my previous life.
[ lives? whatever. that was such a pain, having to reconcile two sets of memories and stop one from bleeding into the other. even so...
.... ]
You were in the other one though. The princess too.
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at the mention of another him though, he frowns. ]
... sorry.
[ preemptively
for whatever the other version of himself did? ]
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fraughthak immediately frowns. ]
For what? Why do you think you did something bad?
[ like, he did, but?? ]
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These journeys appear to show you some of the worst possible outcomes.
[ and soo-won already created one of those living hells for hak in reality? ]
And I think I know better than anyone else what I'm capable of.
[ even if he would never actively choose to harm hak in particular ]
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anyway that's kind of a weird answer? which should probably be a clue that something is wrong but also he did just have to deal with a whole second life like four hours ago. he doesn't have enough brain cells left for this so he just scoffs instead. ]
You were the good guy. [ maybe. probably. ] Do you remember what happened in Awa?
[ this is related, promise ]
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I'll help you with the armor.
[ inserts kusanagi's fujo spread of panels here ]
... mm. In the Earth Tribe's territory?
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Yeah. When that asshole Kum-ji kidnapped all those girls. [ a slight pause. ] But we were the assholes this time.
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though... the confession is surprising. ]
... you'd never.
[ just to make that explicitly clear. absolutely impossible. soo-won believes in hak just as much. ]
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[ he says it half-heartedly, like he doesn't really believe it himself, but it's hard to completely shake off the bad thoughts when so much of everything else had mirrored what he'd known in reality. if things had been wildly different, if he'd been picked up by someone else as a kid, treated with less love and care....could he have done that? ]
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"Could" doesn't mean the same thing as "would". There are a lot of things that people could be driven to do if circumstances were different, and there is a grand discussion on nature versus nurture on how a person grows over time.
[ once the armor is off, he'll just do a check over all of hak's injuries. he had too many. ]
But you, Hak, as you are... would never. Another version of you might have been astray... but that's not also to say that if you didn't meet the right person or get the right opportunity, you wouldn't change your mind and return to saving people as you always do.
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You always did believe in me the most. [ it was a little scary sometimes, though mostly just inspiring. ] If it weren't for you, I would've been closer to that person I was back there.
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