[ how odd. it feels so much like what soo-won promised in their very first conversation—to keep going until they're able to escape this place together—and yet... so different. he lets his eyes remain shut as he feels the gentle pressure of hak's head against his, hak's hand in his own, and breathes in. beneath the river water and heaviness of everything admitted, there is still something so... nostalgic about being here. something comforting. perhaps still a comfort that he doesn't deserve, but it was a similar sensation when hak came to him, bloodied and bedraggled and yet still carrying the senjuso with a death grip.
for just a little while, all the pain stops.
he presses his face more into hak and holds onto his hand just a little too tight. when he speaks, it is a whisper. traitorous at it might feel to say aloud, soo-won thinks it is about time that he betrayed some part of himself instead of making hak bear the brunt of the suffering. ]
... for as long as we're here—I'll put you first. I also promise.
[ hak and what hak wants—above soo-won's own self-destructive daydreams and above even the distant concept of the country.
a promise that logically he can still explain away. hak needs to go home to yona, and it is better if he does so without being emotionally ruined. hak and yona will be the pillars of kouka kingdom. soo-won will try to live, if it means that he can take some of the weight off of them... but the future of the kingdom relies on this anyway. on hak. (it's a reach, even to him. he holds steadfast onto his justification anyway.) ]
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for just a little while, all the pain stops.
he presses his face more into hak and holds onto his hand just a little too tight. when he speaks, it is a whisper. traitorous at it might feel to say aloud, soo-won thinks it is about time that he betrayed some part of himself instead of making hak bear the brunt of the suffering. ]
... for as long as we're here—I'll put you first. I also promise.
[ hak and what hak wants—above soo-won's own self-destructive daydreams and above even the distant concept of the country.
a promise that logically he can still explain away. hak needs to go home to yona, and it is better if he does so without being emotionally ruined. hak and yona will be the pillars of kouka kingdom. soo-won will try to live, if it means that he can take some of the weight off of them... but the future of the kingdom relies on this anyway. on hak. (it's a reach, even to him. he holds steadfast onto his justification anyway.) ]