because what he's compartmentalizing is the fact that, as he'd always known, even though soo-won would always want hak, he will never want hak more than he thinks that hak should be with yona. and hak has probably only mended their relationship this much and admitted to caring for soo-won this much because he's forgotten what it all cost yona.
but soo-won has decided to cross that bridge when it comes. he knows rationally that pulling away from hak again now will probably just upset him, so he'll just wait to be hated again later.
he places a hand on hak's arm. ]
I love Yona, much like how I care for you. [ for some reason saying 'like how i love you' directly to hak's face and in present tense feels. too much. so he doesn't even if it's a little obvious ] But as long as you're alright, then she'll be safe. I'm confident about that.
but thankfully i'm back to being sick of melodramatic gays so we are swerving this thread back to its original intent. soo-won is so confident that it's hard to not to believe him, and some of hak's anxiety dissipates, retreating like the ocean tide. (he doesn't notice the change in verbiage, much to everyone's relief.)
he nods once in confirmation, then nods back towards the assorted boxes. ]
[ soo-won is just more honest than hak except for moments where he isn't... also soo-won is more self-defeating than hak in this specific way so it means i force you to het regardless
anyway! no more melodrama because soo-won is also confident about this. he will think more on ways to remind hak of yona later ]
Did you get yours open already?
[ they could admittedly go on a date but also soo-won is impatient and wants to open this fucking box faster since he thinks it could maybe be hak's weapon ]
[ just because soo-won doesn't feel or have interest in romance for himself doesn't mean he's blind to it in others (unless it is. also directed at him.) ]
soo-won may be naturally affectionate but hak is not (unless it's for bullying purposes) so the careful touches make him feel some kind of way (the way is awkward). his turn to also turn a little pink. ]
[ hak being a little shit makes this easier!! it is easier to remember that soo-won really does just adore him. his thumb brushes against hak’s cheek and this time it’s purely because he wants to ]
so he’ll lean in the rest of the way and try again with another kiss. it’s unpracticed and unfamiliar still, but it is a bit sweet. soo-won’s smile lingers slightly in the press of it.
but when he pulls back, he tries his actual plan, ]
You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted for myself.
[ words that he means sincerely and can admit without fear, but never had a reason to say before. ‘want’ is nebulous, formless, and he’s going to keep it that way… but it’s true to what he feels.
does that make this tender? is this emotionally intimate? bitch he doesn’t know he wants to open the box
you ever spend [redacted] number of months bsod-ing every time your best (?) friend talks about dying, only to then bsod over a completely different reason somehow still involving your best (?) friend?
soo-won can go open the box, hak is going to stand here for another ten seconds or so while the loading screen plays over his head. ]
[ and then, when the fifteenth repetition of You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted for myself finally manages to weasel its way into his brain, he finally snaps out of it. ]
Don't just say stupid shit like that!
[ even though it's true. soo-won has never made his feelings secret, not in recent weeks at least, but the weight of them makes hak feel uncomfortable, especially when his own feelings continue to flip-flop back and forth
but he marches his way over to the box, scowling. ]
[ yea he's immediately dipping to go look at the box. when hak yells, soo-won just laughs triumphantly ]
You're so mean, Hak!
[ STUPID SHIT... WOW....
but it's fine because the lock is open and soo-won is answering immediately, ]
Because I think an old friend is waiting for us.
[ and he'll get it open as soon as he can, a familiar cry coming from the box. gulfan waits inside, blinking first against the new sunlight, and then crying out again before launching himself up into the air. he'll drift back down to them both after, saying hello. oh beautiful gulfan ]
[ anything he doesn't want to acknowledge is automatically stupid......sorry.........
but who cares about any of that when the box opens to reveal a large bird of prey, who peers at both of them before launching off in a flurry of familiar brown feathers. hak's eyes go wide, a rare look of wonder and hopefulness crossing his face. ]
Gulfan?
[ he can't even be mad that this stupid place brought gulfan because he loves gulfan so much ]
[ they both love! gulfan! so much! their beautiful falcon! soo-won's response is automatic, bringing his arm around with all his layers and sleeves to give gulfan a place to roost. he'll turn to hak afterward, arm extended so that gulfan can face hak
gulfan will just stretch his wings out wiiiiiide ooooo to say hello ]
[ the way i need to do my other tags but i just want to cry over gulfan
of course hak says hello back, smiling softly as he steps closer. this is probably the happiest soo-won has ever seen him in purgatory....or even in the last [redacted] months since he left. ]
Missed you too. Long time no see, huh?
[ actually it's probably only been like a month but whatever ]
[ gulfan is.... perfect. happy and pleased to see them both, hopping on his lil predator claws on soo-won's arm to get closer to hak so that he can chirp more quietly now and butt his head against hak's...
soo-won falls quiet, watching the interaction. it's... an almost painful sort of fondness, watching gulfan and hak be so happy together. it tore him up before. it tears him up again now, but he doesn't dare intrude. but the expression on his face really is so quietly awed and adoring. ]
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[ without hesitation.
because what he's compartmentalizing is the fact that, as he'd always known, even though soo-won would always want hak, he will never want hak more than he thinks that hak should be with yona. and hak has probably only mended their relationship this much and admitted to caring for soo-won this much because he's forgotten what it all cost yona.
but soo-won has decided to cross that bridge when it comes. he knows rationally that pulling away from hak again now will probably just upset him, so he'll just wait to be hated again later.
he places a hand on hak's arm. ]
I love Yona, much like how I care for you. [ for some reason saying 'like how i love you' directly to hak's face and in present tense feels. too much. so he doesn't even if it's a little obvious ] But as long as you're alright, then she'll be safe. I'm confident about that.
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but thankfully i'm back to being sick of melodramatic gays so we are swerving this thread back to its original intent. soo-won is so confident that it's hard to not to believe him, and some of hak's anxiety dissipates, retreating like the ocean tide. (he doesn't notice the change in verbiage, much to everyone's relief.)
he nods once in confirmation, then nods back towards the assorted boxes. ]
We still need to open your box.
[ technically his box, but. ]
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anyway! no more melodrama because soo-won is also confident about this. he will think more on ways to remind hak of yona later ]
Did you get yours open already?
[ they could admittedly go on a date but also soo-won is impatient and wants to open this fucking box faster since he thinks it could maybe be hak's weapon ]
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Yeah. I went on a date.
[ makes the box his weapon because i can't think of anything else ]
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help do you want it to be his weapon or it could be gulfan. punches airholes in the box for their bird child ]
Oh that's nice, did you have fun?
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It was fine. [ promising. ] Do you want to go on a date to open the box?
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[ IMPATIENT. IF ANYTHING HE'S MORE IMPATIENT IF THERE'S AIR HOLES IN THE BOX BECAUSE HE CAN GUESS THAT IT MIGHT BE GULFAN ]
What makes a kiss tender, Hak?
[ assumes hak would know ]
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How would I know? I've never kissed anyone like that before.
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Really...? But you've always been so popular...
[ just because soo-won doesn't feel or have interest in romance for himself doesn't mean he's blind to it in others (unless it is. also directed at him.) ]
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[ who is he, jae-ha?? disgusting. but hmm...... ]
Feels like something that would be easier with somoene you liked.
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[ hhmmm then he’s not even sure if this will work since it’s not the type of thing soo-won knows anything about… ]
Let me try again?
[ he has an idea ]
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[ that's not a no ]
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I’m trying to be efficient…!
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Sure, go ahead.
[ he will not move though. soo-won will have to show his top side for this and make the first move. ]
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but also it’s not hard for him to step forward afterward into hak’s space like it’s second nature, tilting his head ]
Maybe something like… this?
[ if he gently brushes hak’s bangs back with his fingers, and then lets his palm rest against hak’s cheek
he is still a little pink but!! he is also a little playful, like he is curiously trying something new. punk is this tender ]
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soo-won may be naturally affectionate but hak is not (unless it's for bullying purposes) so the careful touches make him feel some kind of way (the way is awkward). his turn to also turn a little pink. ]
Are you going to stand there all day?
[ stop killing the vibe hak ]
[1/2]
Are you impatient?
[ hak being a little shit makes this easier!! it is easier to remember that soo-won really does just adore him. his thumb brushes against hak’s cheek and this time it’s purely because he wants to ]
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so he’ll lean in the rest of the way and try again with another kiss. it’s unpracticed and unfamiliar still, but it is a bit sweet. soo-won’s smile lingers slightly in the press of it.
but when he pulls back, he tries his actual plan, ]
You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted for myself.
[ words that he means sincerely and can admit without fear, but never had a reason to say before. ‘want’ is nebulous, formless, and he’s going to keep it that way… but it’s true to what he feels.
does that make this tender? is this emotionally intimate? bitch he doesn’t know he wants to open the box
ok now this is so gay you can run away ]
1/2
you ever spend [redacted] number of months bsod-ing every time your best (?) friend talks about dying, only to then bsod over a completely different reason somehow still involving your best (?) friend?
soo-won can go open the box, hak is going to stand here for another ten seconds or so while the loading screen plays over his head. ]
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Don't just say stupid shit like that!
[ even though it's true. soo-won has never made his feelings secret, not in recent weeks at least, but the weight of them makes hak feel uncomfortable, especially when his own feelings continue to flip-flop back and forth
but he marches his way over to the box, scowling. ]
Why does it have holes in it?
[ guy who is stupid ]
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You're so mean, Hak!
[ STUPID SHIT... WOW....
but it's fine because the lock is open and soo-won is answering immediately, ]
Because I think an old friend is waiting for us.
[ and he'll get it open as soon as he can, a familiar cry coming from the box. gulfan waits inside, blinking first against the new sunlight, and then crying out again before launching himself up into the air. he'll drift back down to them both after, saying hello. oh beautiful gulfan ]
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but who cares about any of that when the box opens to reveal a large bird of prey, who peers at both of them before launching off in a flurry of familiar brown feathers. hak's eyes go wide, a rare look of wonder and hopefulness crossing his face. ]
Gulfan?
[ he can't even be mad that this stupid place brought gulfan because he loves gulfan so much ]
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gulfan will just stretch his wings out wiiiiiide ooooo to say hello ]
You missed Hak, didn't you?
[ that makes the two of them! ]
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of course hak says hello back, smiling softly as he steps closer. this is probably the happiest soo-won has ever seen him in purgatory....or even in the last [redacted] months since he left. ]
Missed you too. Long time no see, huh?
[ actually it's probably only been like a month but whatever ]
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soo-won falls quiet, watching the interaction. it's... an almost painful sort of fondness, watching gulfan and hak be so happy together. it tore him up before. it tears him up again now, but he doesn't dare intrude. but the expression on his face really is so quietly awed and adoring. ]
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